We live in a world where our phones are constantly attached to our person, whether it be in our bags, in our pockets or glued directly to our hands. While social media allows us to easily connect with people around the world, the potential to carry around an excessive amount of problems within these devices haunts us with just a single notification.
Social media is arguably one of the fastest growing innovations in the world today. It emerged as a concept in 1997 with a website called Six degrees, which enabled people to add others as friends and create a profile for themselves. From there, the concept grew and expanded across multiple websites, such as Facebook and Twitter, and more recently established mobile applications like Snapchat and Instagram.
With such a rapid change in the way we communicate and interact with others, one has to take a step back and wonder if our social media management is up to par. Specifically, how is social media affecting our mental and social health?
According to Mary Harris, a Communications professor at Monmouth University, “Social media platforms are designed to get people to keep checking and returning frequently,” says Harris. “Unfortunately, notifications via the like button operate like little hits of dopamine to the brain. And depending on the individual user, this causes an addiction to the constant feedback loop.”
When individuals are constantly engaging with social media, they are also exposing themselves to the distorted lifestyles of the people they follow.
Oftentimes, people want others to see them as happy and living an exciting life but, in reality, nobody’s lives are that perfect.
So why advertise your life as something it’s not? Social media provides people with the perfect opportunity to showcase themselves as the person they want to be rather than the person they are. So they’ll edit their photos and post about the cute thing their significant other did for them that day. What they won’t post are the photos they weren’t ready for or the fight they had with their significant other, you get the idea.
For people that suffer from issues relating to esteem and self-concept, social media is a breeding ground for exacerbating these problems. It is important to understand that others can edit what they want others to see as well as the fact that pictures can be airbrushed.
However, being a player in this game can cause people a great amount of stress. When the number of likes received on a post comes as a source of validation, it can lead to a heavy reliance on those likes. When considering the age groups that are exposed to this mindset through their social media use, one needs to take into account the younger generation, specifically millennials and adolescents.
Adreea Dilorenzo a Psychology professor points out that, social media users in this age group “are certainly at risk since they are experiencing hormonal changes and identity formations, both while being inexperienced. The continuous connection and the materials that they are exposed to can hinder logic."
While social media can be linked to anxiety, impulsiveness, self-comparison and depression, how we use it is more to blame than its existence. As users, it is our responsibility to be aware of the effect these platforms have on our lives. People need to become more media literate and educated on the effects media can potentially have on an individual, either consciously or subconsciously, so that they can be aware of and monitor the impact it’s having on their own lives.
Taking a step back from social media allows one to put into perspective what really matters in life. While partaking in social media, we tend to lose track of our reality because we are so infatuated with the events in the virtual world.
Try putting down the phone and have a face-to-face conversation with your friends. With the weather becoming nicer, take a step out into the fresh air, go on a walk with the family or take a ride around town to unwind. Just enjoy yourself but don’t do it for the opportunity to post on social media; do it for you.
Nature, And The Nature Of Environmentalism
Most people live their life surrounded by concrete, not nature. Some have racked up over a million miles of driving (flying) time during work in their various industries, and wear it like a badge of honour. I have personally moved in and out of apartments and cities, from some of my family and closest friends, forcing a cross-country drive anytime I want to see my grandparents and childhood mates.
Since childhood, my upbringing has involved my grandparents entreating me to become a true salt-of-the-earth person. Their aim; to spare the innocent future generation the likelihood of being hit with disasters not of their making. Even today, my grandparents do little long-distance travelling (if any). They may not drive an electric vehicle, but with their local lifestyle, my grandparents naturally have a pretty low-carbon footprint.
Some deem this lifestyle a parochial one.
Somewhere along the line, some people decided that lifestyles like those of my grandparents, rooted in small towns and content to stay there, were inferior and unsophisticated. We did this with little respect for the connection to the natural world around them that they may have, and without acknowledging the low-carbon footprint of their local ways of life. Yes, cities are the future for sustainable living, and being exposed to the world is important; yet, I am of the opinion that not seeing the benefits of such a lifestyle is short-sighted and hypocritical.
In his masterpiece "Creation: An Appeal to Save Life on Earth," Edward O. Wilson uses the term naturalist to refer to the type of person that he believes will be central to preserving the diversity of life on earth. To Wilson, naturalists include hunters, fishermen and agriculturalists. Wilson believes that those that have a deep understanding of and connection to nature are most likely to be successful in protecting it.
And the irrevocable fact is, Nature is in dire need of protection.
Thus, it is important for a new policy framework of enforcing environmentally friendly land use practices across countries, therefore be given an urgent priority (i.e. an integrated land use/ecosystem approach to conservation as the focus) to safeguard and protect the environment for both current and future generations.
This is not a simple matter of choice, I'd think, it is an obligation and responsibility we as a people must uphold and be held accountable for.
I very much respect those who take the mantle of championing the revival and maintenance of the purity of the natural environment.
We all have a responsibility to employ all means possible to check and resist the destruction on the environment for our own good and for the good of posterity. And whiles the oft-quoted saying “when the last tree dies, the last man dies” has now become a mere cliché, it must be noted that we destroy ourselves by destroying the environment.
My simple question to you my reader is....Have you ever planted and/or do you safeguard trees? If not, then might I say it's never too late!!!!!.
Since childhood, my upbringing has involved my grandparents entreating me to become a true salt-of-the-earth person. Their aim; to spare the innocent future generation the likelihood of being hit with disasters not of their making. Even today, my grandparents do little long-distance travelling (if any). They may not drive an electric vehicle, but with their local lifestyle, my grandparents naturally have a pretty low-carbon footprint.
Some deem this lifestyle a parochial one.
Somewhere along the line, some people decided that lifestyles like those of my grandparents, rooted in small towns and content to stay there, were inferior and unsophisticated. We did this with little respect for the connection to the natural world around them that they may have, and without acknowledging the low-carbon footprint of their local ways of life. Yes, cities are the future for sustainable living, and being exposed to the world is important; yet, I am of the opinion that not seeing the benefits of such a lifestyle is short-sighted and hypocritical.
In his masterpiece "Creation: An Appeal to Save Life on Earth," Edward O. Wilson uses the term naturalist to refer to the type of person that he believes will be central to preserving the diversity of life on earth. To Wilson, naturalists include hunters, fishermen and agriculturalists. Wilson believes that those that have a deep understanding of and connection to nature are most likely to be successful in protecting it.
And the irrevocable fact is, Nature is in dire need of protection.
Thus, it is important for a new policy framework of enforcing environmentally friendly land use practices across countries, therefore be given an urgent priority (i.e. an integrated land use/ecosystem approach to conservation as the focus) to safeguard and protect the environment for both current and future generations.
This is not a simple matter of choice, I'd think, it is an obligation and responsibility we as a people must uphold and be held accountable for.
I very much respect those who take the mantle of championing the revival and maintenance of the purity of the natural environment.
We all have a responsibility to employ all means possible to check and resist the destruction on the environment for our own good and for the good of posterity. And whiles the oft-quoted saying “when the last tree dies, the last man dies” has now become a mere cliché, it must be noted that we destroy ourselves by destroying the environment.
My simple question to you my reader is....Have you ever planted and/or do you safeguard trees? If not, then might I say it's never too late!!!!!.
Life Is Not Facilitated, Is It?
When situations are facilitated effectively – structures are taken into context, processes are created that boost efficiency and the right people are involved.
All good so far.
But as the title of this article suggests, life doesn’t always run this smoothly. Most personal and professional situations are beyond your control, so it’s difficult to facilitate them.
Life just isn’t naturally facilitated. It’s a melting pot of contexts, personalities, and variables and we’re all just doing our darn best to muddle through.
There are things you can do to implement elements of control and facilitate situations that come your way though. You might not get amazing results all the time, but you can head into situations with a blueprint for your own personal form of facilitation.
Hack the Hierarchy
Not everyone feels confident about speaking out and adding their thoughts.
Hacking the hierarchy means that people that are effective facilitators should try to sidestep the status-quo and come up with solutions and build relationships, regardless of whether they’re "senior" or otherwise.
Once you start to dismantle rigid structures at work or even home, people feel free to unleash their creativity more and aren’t as constrained by power dynamics. Making everyone feel equal can work wonders.
Avoid GroupThink
A tendency to groupthink in team and personal scenarios can also stifle the ideation process and prevent imaginative solutions.
For whatever reason, perhaps because of social etiquette, people have a tendency avoid disagreeing with the work and effort the leader has put into the schedule, even if they have better ideas. If a power dynamic or hierarchy is rigid then people might not say what they think. Urging people to get in contact with their thoughts privately is a great way to facilitate the thoughts of others on a topic, issue or subject matter on hand.
Emotional Intelligence
Being more open and authentic in relationships in your personal and professional life can really improve how you approach situations. Life isn’t smooth and expertly facilitated, but you can create more transparency with better communication.
Having emotional intelligence is an incredibly important skill in the modern school, workplace and home life, if not the most important. Empathising with others and being able to put yourself in their shoes means that you can think outside the box and from other people’s perspectives.
This strengthens your own ideas and the input you can encourage from those around you. You can connect with people in a way that makes them feel valued and part of a unit that wants to hear their contributions.
Embrace Diversity
Populations are becoming more and more diverse and with this comes different perspectives, ways of thinking and a range of creative problem-solving. As workplaces and situations embrace diversity, it’s important that a diversity of thought is applied to facilitating and getting the best out of people.
Finding ways to channel new ideas and perspectives is really important. Smaller groups, individual thinking, one-on-one meetings, and effective communication – these are all ways to build relationships with people to create contexts that can utilise the unique characteristics and traits people bring to the table.
Collaboration isn’t easy or natural when people are not feeling happy and satisfied with their situation.
Final Thoughts
Life is incredibly chaotic and unpredictable, which makes it almost impossible to facilitate properly. However, with the points I’ve highlighted, I hope you can work towards making it more open to facilitation. There are elements of your professional and personal life that you can influence, so working on those areas and moulding them in a way that makes them more controllable will help you to create better processes.
Trying to use your individual, unique traits to bring something new to situations and not being daunted by hierarchical power structures will help you to see scenarios more clearly and take action.
All good so far.
But as the title of this article suggests, life doesn’t always run this smoothly. Most personal and professional situations are beyond your control, so it’s difficult to facilitate them.
Life just isn’t naturally facilitated. It’s a melting pot of contexts, personalities, and variables and we’re all just doing our darn best to muddle through.
There are things you can do to implement elements of control and facilitate situations that come your way though. You might not get amazing results all the time, but you can head into situations with a blueprint for your own personal form of facilitation.
Hack the Hierarchy
Not everyone feels confident about speaking out and adding their thoughts.
Hacking the hierarchy means that people that are effective facilitators should try to sidestep the status-quo and come up with solutions and build relationships, regardless of whether they’re "senior" or otherwise.
Once you start to dismantle rigid structures at work or even home, people feel free to unleash their creativity more and aren’t as constrained by power dynamics. Making everyone feel equal can work wonders.
Avoid GroupThink
A tendency to groupthink in team and personal scenarios can also stifle the ideation process and prevent imaginative solutions.
For whatever reason, perhaps because of social etiquette, people have a tendency avoid disagreeing with the work and effort the leader has put into the schedule, even if they have better ideas. If a power dynamic or hierarchy is rigid then people might not say what they think. Urging people to get in contact with their thoughts privately is a great way to facilitate the thoughts of others on a topic, issue or subject matter on hand.
Emotional Intelligence
Being more open and authentic in relationships in your personal and professional life can really improve how you approach situations. Life isn’t smooth and expertly facilitated, but you can create more transparency with better communication.
Having emotional intelligence is an incredibly important skill in the modern school, workplace and home life, if not the most important. Empathising with others and being able to put yourself in their shoes means that you can think outside the box and from other people’s perspectives.
This strengthens your own ideas and the input you can encourage from those around you. You can connect with people in a way that makes them feel valued and part of a unit that wants to hear their contributions.
Embrace Diversity
Populations are becoming more and more diverse and with this comes different perspectives, ways of thinking and a range of creative problem-solving. As workplaces and situations embrace diversity, it’s important that a diversity of thought is applied to facilitating and getting the best out of people.
Finding ways to channel new ideas and perspectives is really important. Smaller groups, individual thinking, one-on-one meetings, and effective communication – these are all ways to build relationships with people to create contexts that can utilise the unique characteristics and traits people bring to the table.
Collaboration isn’t easy or natural when people are not feeling happy and satisfied with their situation.
Final Thoughts
Life is incredibly chaotic and unpredictable, which makes it almost impossible to facilitate properly. However, with the points I’ve highlighted, I hope you can work towards making it more open to facilitation. There are elements of your professional and personal life that you can influence, so working on those areas and moulding them in a way that makes them more controllable will help you to create better processes.
Trying to use your individual, unique traits to bring something new to situations and not being daunted by hierarchical power structures will help you to see scenarios more clearly and take action.
Power
Power can seem like a scary concept, but we all have elements of positive power that can help us to move forward in our personal and professional lives.
And power doesn’t have to be gifted to you, you can generate it from within yourself and in whatever context you find yourself in.
Owning power helps you to make good, authentic decisions. You’ll feel more confident and people will be drawn to you.
How can you define and own your power?
Vulnerability is Strength
Being ‘powerful’ conjures up images of weightlifting and flipping cars over, but it’s not about physical strength. It’s not even about being mentally strong and positive all the time.
Vulnerability is power. Recognising when you’re not performing at your best or you’re having a bad day and reaching out to people or accepting your situation is powerful.
You don’t have to maintain the persona that everything is great all the time. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. Truly powerful people aren’t afraid to acknowledge their shortcomings or things they can’t do and need a helping hand with. And the same goes for acknowledging fears too.
Ambition
We all have ambition as students, parents, and workers but being bold about your ambition is another thing. Lots of people struggle with ambition. Ambition can be awkward. Telling people what you want out of life can be frightening because what if you don’t achieve it? By telling people about it, they’ll hold you accountable for your ambition.
When you don’t declare your ambition to anyone and keep it a secret, you’re keeping your ambition small and hidden. It probably won’t grow, because you’re reducing its power.
Telling friends or family about what you want from life doesn’t mean they’ll be monitoring your progress in minute detail – it usually means that they’ll support you on your journey.
One of the first ways to define and own your power is to determine what goals it’s going to propel you towards. Seek out mentors and a supportive network to talk to about your ambitions, the moment you do, you’ll give your ambitions more power.
Positive thoughts
When you’re talking yourself down, you’re giving negative thoughts your power. Sometimes, you don’t notice how much negative thinking you do during an average day – when it’s ingrained in your perspective and way of looking at the world, it can be tough to shake off.
As a millennial making a conscious decision to replace your negative thoughts with positive or neutral thinking, you can start to reprogram your mind. Negativity can sabotage your power because it stops you from doing things that help you to achieve your ambitions and feel more powerful. You might not take action because of it. Don’t limit yourself.
Add Value
Owning your power is all about how you use it around others too. Becoming a mentor or supporter for others can help you to encourage others on their own positive journey.
You can do this by noting down and recognising the value that you bring in a company or at home. What are you good at? Next, you can use your value to lead others and contribute.
By promoting and supporting others around you, you’ll build meaningful relationships which are a form of power. Being powerful can be through positive communication and advocating for others.
In the long-term, this will help you to build a mutually beneficial support network where you can champion each other.
Prioritise Growth
'Adopting a growth mindset and continually looking for and seeking out opportunities that can lead to personal and professional growth can help to build your confidence and naturally you will feel more powerful' Bryan Kramer.
Grasping opportunities can feel daunting, but whether they have positive or negative consequences, you will grow from them as a result. The process of getting out of your comfort zone and opening yourself up to vulnerability is a powerful act.
Search for ways to grow.
Final Thoughts
Power isn’t about physical macho strength, it’s about using your unique qualities to share ideas, build connections and become your own personal entertainer. Owning your power and acknowledging your ambition will help you to move forward.
And power doesn’t have to be gifted to you, you can generate it from within yourself and in whatever context you find yourself in.
Owning power helps you to make good, authentic decisions. You’ll feel more confident and people will be drawn to you.
How can you define and own your power?
Vulnerability is Strength
Being ‘powerful’ conjures up images of weightlifting and flipping cars over, but it’s not about physical strength. It’s not even about being mentally strong and positive all the time.
Vulnerability is power. Recognising when you’re not performing at your best or you’re having a bad day and reaching out to people or accepting your situation is powerful.
You don’t have to maintain the persona that everything is great all the time. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. Truly powerful people aren’t afraid to acknowledge their shortcomings or things they can’t do and need a helping hand with. And the same goes for acknowledging fears too.
Ambition
We all have ambition as students, parents, and workers but being bold about your ambition is another thing. Lots of people struggle with ambition. Ambition can be awkward. Telling people what you want out of life can be frightening because what if you don’t achieve it? By telling people about it, they’ll hold you accountable for your ambition.
When you don’t declare your ambition to anyone and keep it a secret, you’re keeping your ambition small and hidden. It probably won’t grow, because you’re reducing its power.
Telling friends or family about what you want from life doesn’t mean they’ll be monitoring your progress in minute detail – it usually means that they’ll support you on your journey.
One of the first ways to define and own your power is to determine what goals it’s going to propel you towards. Seek out mentors and a supportive network to talk to about your ambitions, the moment you do, you’ll give your ambitions more power.
Positive thoughts
When you’re talking yourself down, you’re giving negative thoughts your power. Sometimes, you don’t notice how much negative thinking you do during an average day – when it’s ingrained in your perspective and way of looking at the world, it can be tough to shake off.
As a millennial making a conscious decision to replace your negative thoughts with positive or neutral thinking, you can start to reprogram your mind. Negativity can sabotage your power because it stops you from doing things that help you to achieve your ambitions and feel more powerful. You might not take action because of it. Don’t limit yourself.
Add Value
Owning your power is all about how you use it around others too. Becoming a mentor or supporter for others can help you to encourage others on their own positive journey.
You can do this by noting down and recognising the value that you bring in a company or at home. What are you good at? Next, you can use your value to lead others and contribute.
By promoting and supporting others around you, you’ll build meaningful relationships which are a form of power. Being powerful can be through positive communication and advocating for others.
In the long-term, this will help you to build a mutually beneficial support network where you can champion each other.
Prioritise Growth
'Adopting a growth mindset and continually looking for and seeking out opportunities that can lead to personal and professional growth can help to build your confidence and naturally you will feel more powerful' Bryan Kramer.
Grasping opportunities can feel daunting, but whether they have positive or negative consequences, you will grow from them as a result. The process of getting out of your comfort zone and opening yourself up to vulnerability is a powerful act.
Search for ways to grow.
Final Thoughts
Power isn’t about physical macho strength, it’s about using your unique qualities to share ideas, build connections and become your own personal entertainer. Owning your power and acknowledging your ambition will help you to move forward.
Ignorance And Respect
We talk down to the maid like she’s a failed existence. We shout instructions to the less privileged as though he’s a fool. We look away from the homeless man as if he doesn’t exist. To some folks, these people are invisible.
Did you ever consider that these people have pride like you and me, they have feelings like you and me, and they have desires like you and me? In fact, we’re alike on so many levels because when you look beneath the surface, we all want many of the same simple things in life.
Yet some don’t see it that way. If they don’t look like us, they must be dangerous; if they are coloured differently, they must be lesser; if they don’t sound like us, they must be ignorant; and if they don’t agree with us, they must be evil.
Do power, money, and status make someone better? Do they give anyone the right to be arrogant, disrespectful, or rude? I think not. While accomplishments indicate that people are successful, they don’t give anyone the right to dehumanise others and treat them as second-class citizens or humans for that matter.
One of the reasons this occurs is due to divisions that we intentionally create or that are thrust upon us. Instead of emphasising commonalities that bring people together, we artificially separate ourselves into distinct groups that accentuate our differences.
If your success was earned through hard work and honesty, don’t apologise for it. There’s nothing wrong with living the good life (I don't think). You’ve earned it. But if you think power, money, and status give you the right to be rude, disrespectful, or condescending, you’ve got it all wrong. No one should be treated like they’re invisible.
The truth is, while power, money, and status indicate that you’re successful, it’s not what you have but who you are that counts. As a millennial treating people with dignity and respect says more about you than trying to prove how important you are. Living with honour says more about you than achieving your wealth by selling your soul. Making a difference in people’s lives say more about you than enriching your own life.
As John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
Be the person who sees the best in people, makes them feel good about themselves, and brightens their day. Bring the invisible people out into the light. You’ll be a positive force for good in their lives, and you’ll feel good about yourself, too.
Be the change you want to see by simply learning to appreciate one simple and often overused word; RESPECT.
Did you ever consider that these people have pride like you and me, they have feelings like you and me, and they have desires like you and me? In fact, we’re alike on so many levels because when you look beneath the surface, we all want many of the same simple things in life.
Yet some don’t see it that way. If they don’t look like us, they must be dangerous; if they are coloured differently, they must be lesser; if they don’t sound like us, they must be ignorant; and if they don’t agree with us, they must be evil.
Do power, money, and status make someone better? Do they give anyone the right to be arrogant, disrespectful, or rude? I think not. While accomplishments indicate that people are successful, they don’t give anyone the right to dehumanise others and treat them as second-class citizens or humans for that matter.
One of the reasons this occurs is due to divisions that we intentionally create or that are thrust upon us. Instead of emphasising commonalities that bring people together, we artificially separate ourselves into distinct groups that accentuate our differences.
If your success was earned through hard work and honesty, don’t apologise for it. There’s nothing wrong with living the good life (I don't think). You’ve earned it. But if you think power, money, and status give you the right to be rude, disrespectful, or condescending, you’ve got it all wrong. No one should be treated like they’re invisible.
The truth is, while power, money, and status indicate that you’re successful, it’s not what you have but who you are that counts. As a millennial treating people with dignity and respect says more about you than trying to prove how important you are. Living with honour says more about you than achieving your wealth by selling your soul. Making a difference in people’s lives say more about you than enriching your own life.
As John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
Be the person who sees the best in people, makes them feel good about themselves, and brightens their day. Bring the invisible people out into the light. You’ll be a positive force for good in their lives, and you’ll feel good about yourself, too.
Be the change you want to see by simply learning to appreciate one simple and often overused word; RESPECT.
Panic Attacks.
“Keep calm and carry on.” That’s what everyone tells you to do, right? When your chest is hurting and it feels like you can barely breathe, just pretend everything is normal and fine, right? When your heart is sitting too heavy in your chest, and it feels as delicate as a piece of glass that can shatter upon hard impact—everything’s fine, right?
Well, I have never personally experienced these particular emotions but a conversation with a friend brought me to a startling and quite frankly worrying realisation, that even though people do smile outwardly that within they might be feeling anything but.
It is quite worrying to note that the pressure cooker that is society (family, work and school especially) has bizarre and often outrageous expectations that is ingrained within some individuals at a very young age, and to cope, cases like panic attacks and blackouts are used as defence mechanisms.
Sometimes these expectations are fostered out of love, to help develop a strong work ethic that would help the millennial succeed in school (work) and provide opportunities for a worthwhile future (which most often than not it does). But...like everything else there are always exceptions.
Uncommon as they may be, there are indeed instances when societal pressure comes to a head within the individual that results in them suffering panic attacks. If not dealt with delicately, some severe cases lead to suicide and sometimes even assault on people in their immediate surroundings.
A panic attack and its symptoms of tremendous anxiety can strike suddenly and out of the blue. While a panic attack itself may be brief, it can lead to a lasting fear of having another episode. When panic attacks and the fear of having attacks occur repeatedly, people are said to have a panic disorder or anxiety disorder.
"People have these panic attacks under various circumstances,” explains Martin N. Seif, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City and Greenwich, Conn. They constantly worry about having an attack and often avoid certain situations as a result.
There is thus, a real fear of the person withdrawing within and creating a barrier around themselves as a form of protection against people and situations that cause recurrence.
Therapy is a great way to help unbottle the pent up emotions within the individual. It is thus important to note that there are indeed Therapist who help in the management and sometimes even in some cases helping one rid themself of said disorder.
Above all else, it is important to understand and acknowledge that as people within a society we are allowed to be imperfect and to make mistakes, we are allowed to take time to focus on ourselves..And, maybe most of all, WE are allowed to breathe and just be human.
Well, I have never personally experienced these particular emotions but a conversation with a friend brought me to a startling and quite frankly worrying realisation, that even though people do smile outwardly that within they might be feeling anything but.
It is quite worrying to note that the pressure cooker that is society (family, work and school especially) has bizarre and often outrageous expectations that is ingrained within some individuals at a very young age, and to cope, cases like panic attacks and blackouts are used as defence mechanisms.
Sometimes these expectations are fostered out of love, to help develop a strong work ethic that would help the millennial succeed in school (work) and provide opportunities for a worthwhile future (which most often than not it does). But...like everything else there are always exceptions.
Uncommon as they may be, there are indeed instances when societal pressure comes to a head within the individual that results in them suffering panic attacks. If not dealt with delicately, some severe cases lead to suicide and sometimes even assault on people in their immediate surroundings.
A panic attack and its symptoms of tremendous anxiety can strike suddenly and out of the blue. While a panic attack itself may be brief, it can lead to a lasting fear of having another episode. When panic attacks and the fear of having attacks occur repeatedly, people are said to have a panic disorder or anxiety disorder.
"People have these panic attacks under various circumstances,” explains Martin N. Seif, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City and Greenwich, Conn. They constantly worry about having an attack and often avoid certain situations as a result.
There is thus, a real fear of the person withdrawing within and creating a barrier around themselves as a form of protection against people and situations that cause recurrence.
Therapy is a great way to help unbottle the pent up emotions within the individual. It is thus important to note that there are indeed Therapist who help in the management and sometimes even in some cases helping one rid themself of said disorder.
Above all else, it is important to understand and acknowledge that as people within a society we are allowed to be imperfect and to make mistakes, we are allowed to take time to focus on ourselves..And, maybe most of all, WE are allowed to breathe and just be human.
Letting Go Of Your Perfect
The strive for perfection is timeless and elusive. We all want to do our best but having expectations built on perfectionism can end up being restricting and leading to tunnel vision. And at worst they can lead to bad decisions and burn-out.
Being able to let go of lofty, impossible perfection can help you see life through a different lens. Throwing out the need to prove something to yourself and to others at all times means that you can rid yourself of ridiculous self-imposed expectations you wouldn’t dream of having for others.
So, why have these expectations for yourself?
Drive the latest car, go to the best restaurants, have rich parents, have the perfect partner. It sounds perfect, right?
But is it really perfection? Do these things guarantee happiness and fulfilment? Probably not and the dogged effort to maintain them can be mentally and physically exhausting.
Fear Drives Perfection`
At its core, perfectionism is fuelled by fear. Fear of what happens if you fail or don’t get the result you wanted. Fear about what to tell your family and friends if you fall short. The fear of not being good enough can thus be completely overwhelming.
It’s completely understandable to feel fear too. Our society is a pressure cooker after all, where we’re acutely aware of arbitrary milestones and targets we feel like we should be reaching. Money, success, followers, kids, women (men), cars – whatever metric it is, we can feel a failure or weird if we’re not living up to what we think society expects.
Even when you’re achieving success externally, this doesn’t mean you’ll feel internally happy. The fear that’s driving your perfection is built around societal pressure and expectations and often there’s a clash between what you think society wants from you and what you truly want to achieve.
The most outwardly ‘successful’ people can still be unhappy. They’re busting a gut every day to try and maintain their successful lifestyle, but it still doesn’t seem enough.
Why is that? Perhaps it’s because their version of success and the goals they’re aiming for never really came from them at all.
It’s what they think they should be doing, not what they want to be doing.
Pressure and fear designed their path. And not feeling good and fulfilled in the perfect life you’re trying to achieve makes it difficult to see and identify what it is that you actually want to do.
I entreat you then to crash through the limiting idea that society defines your goals and objectives. What are your values? What do you believe in? What drives you? Look at the world differently and remove unrealistic goals and focus on using the effort that it takes to maintain perfection for working on being your true self.
When you start making changes and take actions that align with your inner value system and passions, you’ll feel authentic and confident. Trying to be something you’re not is exhausting mentally, so try to make progress and make decisions that are based on what you actually believe in.
Letting go of perfect can help you to manage your expectations in a healthy way and look for ways of living that offer true authentic accomplishment.
What I really think is worthwhile is learning to accept. Learning to accept that anything other than perfect is absolutely fine. Once you learn this lesson, your life just got a whole lot happier.
Being able to let go of lofty, impossible perfection can help you see life through a different lens. Throwing out the need to prove something to yourself and to others at all times means that you can rid yourself of ridiculous self-imposed expectations you wouldn’t dream of having for others.
So, why have these expectations for yourself?
Drive the latest car, go to the best restaurants, have rich parents, have the perfect partner. It sounds perfect, right?
But is it really perfection? Do these things guarantee happiness and fulfilment? Probably not and the dogged effort to maintain them can be mentally and physically exhausting.
Fear Drives Perfection`
At its core, perfectionism is fuelled by fear. Fear of what happens if you fail or don’t get the result you wanted. Fear about what to tell your family and friends if you fall short. The fear of not being good enough can thus be completely overwhelming.
It’s completely understandable to feel fear too. Our society is a pressure cooker after all, where we’re acutely aware of arbitrary milestones and targets we feel like we should be reaching. Money, success, followers, kids, women (men), cars – whatever metric it is, we can feel a failure or weird if we’re not living up to what we think society expects.
Even when you’re achieving success externally, this doesn’t mean you’ll feel internally happy. The fear that’s driving your perfection is built around societal pressure and expectations and often there’s a clash between what you think society wants from you and what you truly want to achieve.
The most outwardly ‘successful’ people can still be unhappy. They’re busting a gut every day to try and maintain their successful lifestyle, but it still doesn’t seem enough.
Why is that? Perhaps it’s because their version of success and the goals they’re aiming for never really came from them at all.
It’s what they think they should be doing, not what they want to be doing.
Pressure and fear designed their path. And not feeling good and fulfilled in the perfect life you’re trying to achieve makes it difficult to see and identify what it is that you actually want to do.
I entreat you then to crash through the limiting idea that society defines your goals and objectives. What are your values? What do you believe in? What drives you? Look at the world differently and remove unrealistic goals and focus on using the effort that it takes to maintain perfection for working on being your true self.
When you start making changes and take actions that align with your inner value system and passions, you’ll feel authentic and confident. Trying to be something you’re not is exhausting mentally, so try to make progress and make decisions that are based on what you actually believe in.
Letting go of perfect can help you to manage your expectations in a healthy way and look for ways of living that offer true authentic accomplishment.
What I really think is worthwhile is learning to accept. Learning to accept that anything other than perfect is absolutely fine. Once you learn this lesson, your life just got a whole lot happier.
The Value Of Family Heritage: (Inspiration From My Grandma)
It was last December when I travelled back to Sunyani, a city in the Brong Ahafo Region of Ghana. I have an affinity for my grandparent’s house here. A nicely sorted garden sits far in the front yard, with planted veggies, assortment of herbaceous plants and surrounding trees (around the house too). One sunny day, we were idly sitting in front of the house having a nonchalant conversation about life.
“When I was younger than you are now, I was already working at the market (with little to no real education), devoted to earning a living for my family…” Like a tranquil flow of tides, her voice drifted into my senses as my mind wandered back in time to when my grandma was young.
Every life is a story. Whenever our parents or grandparents tell us about theirs, we can identify similarities between them and see certain patterns. There is always a glimpse of wisdom in these patterns, these stories. That’s why people say wisdom is like fine wine—it takes time to age.
I’m always so fascinated by the stories of my family members. Very much like the tales from your childhood, family stories seem so unreal and far away. Yet as we mature, the authenticity of those stories emerges and manifests into something we can actually understand and hold on to. And that something is what we call our family heritage.
From birth, we have been moulded by the culture of our family. The history, knowledge, values and traditions encompassed in our family heritage significantly influence us as individuals. The great Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.” It’s never a coincidence that we can find parts of ourselves in our family’s narrative, for this narrative is also the story of where we come from.
My grandma has always been an inspiration to me. Straying from a sweet and soft-spoken “grandma” image, she is also tough, strong, vibrant, audacious and loud(very loud:when she wants to be anyway). From a very young age, she was determined to make her own way in life.
And so, my grandma embraced uncertainty in her life, and she overcame the challenges and hardship of starting a family without any proper education (in a very competitive era), creating a successful business (which she refuses to quit) that helped make a prominent Midwife out of the families only daughter and in essence proving the naysayers wrong. It sounds too surreal to be a true story, doesn’t it?
The hard work of generations before us has enabled us, the millennials, to explore immense opportunities within our society. Those captivating stories of diligence, strife and hard work, are what inspire us and propel us forward. The story of my grandma is just the tip of the generational iceberg (my father,grandpa too...). For that, I take pride in my family heritage and in what my ancestors were able to accomplish.
But, of course, success never comes without impediments. My grandma remarked how, when she started selling, in a quite uncomfortable setting to be sincere, she would stay up late, selling from dawn to dusk (repetitively across the days, months and years). And when she was done for the day, the weariness she felt so deep in her bones almost prompted her to second-guess the path she had chosen.
“After all, people are judging you by the results you reap from your business, seldom do they consider the hard work and determination you have dedicated to achieving all that,” she remarked, chuckling softly.
Success is only reserved for those who persist in achieving their goals. Many of us have heard this, yet when it is illustrated by someone close to you, someone in your family, the message asserts itself in the most profound way.
This is the power of family heritage. The knowledge and values encapsulated in these stories become invaluable blueprints that we can use as a reference, so that when we face challenges or uncertainties in our lives, instead of panicking, we can understand and acknowledge them as a natural part of life.
In today’s era of speed and data, heritage has been relegated to mere footnotes in our family’s books. They are often watered down and forgotten through the eroding tides of time. We must remember that a part of us comes from our family heritage that we inherit, and that our heritage holds intangible values which cannot be demolished. We must remember and be willing to preserve our heritage to pass onto the next generation, and the next.
“When I was younger than you are now, I was already working at the market (with little to no real education), devoted to earning a living for my family…” Like a tranquil flow of tides, her voice drifted into my senses as my mind wandered back in time to when my grandma was young.
Every life is a story. Whenever our parents or grandparents tell us about theirs, we can identify similarities between them and see certain patterns. There is always a glimpse of wisdom in these patterns, these stories. That’s why people say wisdom is like fine wine—it takes time to age.
I’m always so fascinated by the stories of my family members. Very much like the tales from your childhood, family stories seem so unreal and far away. Yet as we mature, the authenticity of those stories emerges and manifests into something we can actually understand and hold on to. And that something is what we call our family heritage.
From birth, we have been moulded by the culture of our family. The history, knowledge, values and traditions encompassed in our family heritage significantly influence us as individuals. The great Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.” It’s never a coincidence that we can find parts of ourselves in our family’s narrative, for this narrative is also the story of where we come from.
My grandma has always been an inspiration to me. Straying from a sweet and soft-spoken “grandma” image, she is also tough, strong, vibrant, audacious and loud(very loud:when she wants to be anyway). From a very young age, she was determined to make her own way in life.
And so, my grandma embraced uncertainty in her life, and she overcame the challenges and hardship of starting a family without any proper education (in a very competitive era), creating a successful business (which she refuses to quit) that helped make a prominent Midwife out of the families only daughter and in essence proving the naysayers wrong. It sounds too surreal to be a true story, doesn’t it?
The hard work of generations before us has enabled us, the millennials, to explore immense opportunities within our society. Those captivating stories of diligence, strife and hard work, are what inspire us and propel us forward. The story of my grandma is just the tip of the generational iceberg (my father,grandpa too...). For that, I take pride in my family heritage and in what my ancestors were able to accomplish.
But, of course, success never comes without impediments. My grandma remarked how, when she started selling, in a quite uncomfortable setting to be sincere, she would stay up late, selling from dawn to dusk (repetitively across the days, months and years). And when she was done for the day, the weariness she felt so deep in her bones almost prompted her to second-guess the path she had chosen.
“After all, people are judging you by the results you reap from your business, seldom do they consider the hard work and determination you have dedicated to achieving all that,” she remarked, chuckling softly.
Success is only reserved for those who persist in achieving their goals. Many of us have heard this, yet when it is illustrated by someone close to you, someone in your family, the message asserts itself in the most profound way.
This is the power of family heritage. The knowledge and values encapsulated in these stories become invaluable blueprints that we can use as a reference, so that when we face challenges or uncertainties in our lives, instead of panicking, we can understand and acknowledge them as a natural part of life.
In today’s era of speed and data, heritage has been relegated to mere footnotes in our family’s books. They are often watered down and forgotten through the eroding tides of time. We must remember that a part of us comes from our family heritage that we inherit, and that our heritage holds intangible values which cannot be demolished. We must remember and be willing to preserve our heritage to pass onto the next generation, and the next.
Why Society Celebrates Romantic Love.
Numerous studies, like the one conducted by the University of Buffalo, show that being single or in a high-quality relationship is more beneficial for one’s health than ever being in an unsatisfying or abusive one. This isn’t to say that romance shouldn’t be pursued at all. It, like familial love, is a part of human nature, and should not be stamped out or suppressed just as it was in the ancient world.
The unfortunate part is that the older you get without a long-term relationship and frequent sex with a romantic partner, the more you’re viewed as pitiful or shrewd. The viewpoint is worse for women as they get older than it is for men, of course. The terms “old shrew,” “spinster,” “cougar,” or “old witches” didn’t come from thin air, after all. If a woman isn’t in a relationship with anyone she is a spinster or a prude. If she’s experiencing frequent relations, but not in a serious relationship, she’s disrespected as well. These terms are regarded for women over 30 who have never been married and don’t have a romantic partner—typically, a husband or boyfriend—in their lives.
Perhaps it is time to make a slight detour from the quest for romance. It works out exceedingly well for some, but it doesn’t work out well for others. A man in his 50s or 60s shouldn’t feel obligated to find love and get married just because it is more socially acceptable. A businesswoman in her 20s or 30s should not feel an expectation to put her career on hold in order to marry and raise a family. Our views on romantic love are a little warped and a lot obsessive.
Romance is a strong part of our lives. It’s inundated in our media, our conversations, and our decisions when moving forward with our futures. That’s inarguable. But, it also makes you wonder: Where does that leave people who never have a long-term romantic partner, get married, or have kids? How does our view of romantic love’s fundamental importance affect them?
Regardless of reasoning, being single in today’s society is seen as somewhat of an oddity, despite the push for more acceptance among millennials to deemphasize the importance of having a romantic partner in life.
As according to Mark Manson, once Hollywood got a hold of romantic love, it celebrated it into oblivion and placed it on a pedestal. Movies and shows focus on the most passionate, dramatic moments, and how the couple lives happily ever after instead of the real effort a romantic relationship takes to thrive and last.
There is thus, a real danger to society by clenching onto romantic love. Abusive romantic relationships (or even unsatisfying ones) are an unfortunate side effect of human interaction. Some people even feel that being in an abusive or tumultuous relationship is better than being single. This is because the idea of that fairy tale romance and marriage is so ingrained in us as a goal that we fear being alone, of being losers or weirdos because we don’t have anyone to share a bed with at night.
The moral here is that as a society, it is high time our definition of a successful life be expanded to include the worth of other relationships that can be just as fulfilling as a romantic one. The love of parents, siblings, friends, God(or otherwise) and yes, even the desire for personal success, are all just as worthwhile as romance. The focus on finding a permanent romantic partner should be expanded to include maintaining positive friendships and familial relationships. We’re not expected to focus the majority of our time and effort cooking and perfecting one dish, are we? So why are we all expected to wholly focus on one type of relationship for the majority of our lives?
What do YOU think? Tell me in the comment section below.
The unfortunate part is that the older you get without a long-term relationship and frequent sex with a romantic partner, the more you’re viewed as pitiful or shrewd. The viewpoint is worse for women as they get older than it is for men, of course. The terms “old shrew,” “spinster,” “cougar,” or “old witches” didn’t come from thin air, after all. If a woman isn’t in a relationship with anyone she is a spinster or a prude. If she’s experiencing frequent relations, but not in a serious relationship, she’s disrespected as well. These terms are regarded for women over 30 who have never been married and don’t have a romantic partner—typically, a husband or boyfriend—in their lives.
Perhaps it is time to make a slight detour from the quest for romance. It works out exceedingly well for some, but it doesn’t work out well for others. A man in his 50s or 60s shouldn’t feel obligated to find love and get married just because it is more socially acceptable. A businesswoman in her 20s or 30s should not feel an expectation to put her career on hold in order to marry and raise a family. Our views on romantic love are a little warped and a lot obsessive.
Romance is a strong part of our lives. It’s inundated in our media, our conversations, and our decisions when moving forward with our futures. That’s inarguable. But, it also makes you wonder: Where does that leave people who never have a long-term romantic partner, get married, or have kids? How does our view of romantic love’s fundamental importance affect them?
Regardless of reasoning, being single in today’s society is seen as somewhat of an oddity, despite the push for more acceptance among millennials to deemphasize the importance of having a romantic partner in life.
As according to Mark Manson, once Hollywood got a hold of romantic love, it celebrated it into oblivion and placed it on a pedestal. Movies and shows focus on the most passionate, dramatic moments, and how the couple lives happily ever after instead of the real effort a romantic relationship takes to thrive and last.
There is thus, a real danger to society by clenching onto romantic love. Abusive romantic relationships (or even unsatisfying ones) are an unfortunate side effect of human interaction. Some people even feel that being in an abusive or tumultuous relationship is better than being single. This is because the idea of that fairy tale romance and marriage is so ingrained in us as a goal that we fear being alone, of being losers or weirdos because we don’t have anyone to share a bed with at night.
The moral here is that as a society, it is high time our definition of a successful life be expanded to include the worth of other relationships that can be just as fulfilling as a romantic one. The love of parents, siblings, friends, God(or otherwise) and yes, even the desire for personal success, are all just as worthwhile as romance. The focus on finding a permanent romantic partner should be expanded to include maintaining positive friendships and familial relationships. We’re not expected to focus the majority of our time and effort cooking and perfecting one dish, are we? So why are we all expected to wholly focus on one type of relationship for the majority of our lives?
What do YOU think? Tell me in the comment section below.
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